07/30/2008

Day #2 with new phone number and I couldn't be doing better. I pray to God that I stay strong through this... at least for a while. I wasn't surprised when I found out that Nych was unfaithful to his word. Rather disgusted and disappointed with myself. My heart tells me to love him and give him a chance... but after so many chances I need to realize that he is not going to change. And I need to do whats best for me and my son now... and putting up with the constant stress and drama that he places in my life is not whats best. Soooooo I am putting my foot down and standing up for my son and myself. I love my little man and he deserves whats best and so do I. It's amazing how relieved I feel...

Today I worked in the morning. Afterwards I went out to eat with Eunice at the Olive Garden. I was craving their salad soooooo bad. You have no idea. LOL. Then when we were eating I got to thinking how financially unstable I am... and how in the hell am I going to raise a kid with the money I have if I don't even have enough money to live for myself?? It started to get me kind of depressed. I mean I am 21 years old go to school full time and haven't lived off my parents for two and a half years. I think I'm doing good right? But add a kid to the situation and things change. I'm really worried about what I am going to do... I'm going to be so stressed in school and pregnant. And we all know Nych is not going to be a helpful source... it's been since like February since he has had a job and he has two kids now! Ugh... I just pray that God will put it in his hands and make things out to what they are supposed to be.

Names for the baby... well lets just say I am struggling! It's so hard to even imagine that your picking a name for someone that they will have for the rest of their life! Nych brought up the name Landyn. Which I didn't like at first but now it's kinda growing on me... I always liked the name Jaxen. But now I don't know... it's iffy. Ugh... I guess I'll have to continue to sleep on it.

Well I'm off to bed. I'm discussing Nych's lies to his baby mama over facebook. Which I don't know even why I bother because no matter what she finds out a week later I feel like they sleep together again... but anyways. NIGHT NIGHT!