08/05/2008

Day 7 no Nychlas and it's getting harder I have to admit... I mean how can you not think about somebody when your carrying around their offspring in your belly?!? I wish it were easier. I wonder if he thinks about me and whats going on his head. But then I think how silly I must be, that he's probably out with some other girl or with his son living his happy little life. Last night I had a dream that I was in a fist fight with him... lol. I must really be angry. And it wasn't like a pussy fight either. It was a full on fist fight like beating eachother. I think my son is like haunting me with this whole ordeal of not talking to him... I wake up and BAM he's kicking me in the ribs like "MOM" get your ass in gear. LOL. I wish things were different.... and the situation definitely sucks. But I know that its whats best until he realizes that women don't deserve to be respected the way that he has respected me, or lack there of.

I've started to finally get my room packed up... even though I still have alot more to go. It's definitely sad moving out of there... I've had so many memories made there, but I am definitely ready for a fresh start! I can't wait to move in with my cousin to our new place. Our landlord is kinda cooky though. But it should be a new beginning and I'm definitely looking forward to it. We should be able to move in by this Saturday, or atleast start to move things in. Sunday night I head back home so that early Monday morning I can be off to North Carolina for my vacation. I can't wait to see Jessica! I miss her alot... and I get to relax and be away from things finally!

As soon as I get back I work an unbelievable amount of hours the following week and then the next week it's back to class........ which ugh. I am DEFINITELY not looking forward too. I think it's because I'm scared that I'm not going to be able to handle it. At first I think I'll be okay but then once I start to get farther along I worry it's going to get too much and my school focus is gonna fall apart and my stress level will go out the roof. But..... I just pray that things work out okay.

Well I'm at work so I guess I should be doing something productive. Wait?! What am I kidding? LOL. There's nothing for me to do right now. So I'll just eat my PB&J and try and keep my mind occupied.

Love,
Melissa Jo