Valentines: My Baby Boo ♥

Happy Valentine's Day Everyone!

Okay so I should totally and completely be in bed right now, due to the fact that I have to work in the a.m. buuuuut... for some complete idiotic reason I just can't get myself upstairs in my bed. LOL. Me and Gabriel are just chilling on the couch watching TV. He finally fell asleep. He was fighting falling asleep for forever. He doesn't wanna miss Valentine's with his mama I'm sure ;) Haha.

Anyways I'm about to walk up to my room and stare at my glorious two dozen red roses, delicious sweet chocolates and enormous fluffy teddy bear. Hahahaha... JUST KIDDING. I wish. You know, now that I think about it, it's been over 4 years since I have gotten a Valentine's gift! Somehow I always find myself single every year on February 14th. This is the first year in like 4 years that I'm not single! :) Yah. Haha...

Well since I'm kinda broke right now, I decided to dedicate this blog, my Valentine's blog to my baby. No, not my baby boy Gabriel... but my boo, my best friend and my one and only.

Here's our story:
It was a sunny day about two years ago, and I was working @ the mall [minding my lovely business I might add]. Haha. When all of the sudden I look across the room to see this goofy silly guy staring @ me with this cheesy smile. I think he saw me look @ him so he looked away with that look like "Ahhhh she caught me!" LOL. The next day it was repeated only this time... he took some action. LOL. Well actually he technically didn't. He sent a little boy to do his dirty work! He bet this little boy $10.00 that he couldn't get my phone number. [I guess I'm only worth $10.00 bucks these days! LOL]. Soooo... this boy walks over and the first thing he says is, "Hey this guy over there bet me $10.00 I couldn't get your number. If you give me it I'll give you half." LMAO... So I gave him my number. [You know, I needed some lunch money. Wink. Wink. LOL.]

Then the little kid ran back to him with my number. Haha. His face was priceless. From there on out, all of those who know Mr. Nychlas know of course he was flirting non-stop! LOL. He even drew me a picture on this little sticky note of me and him [stick figures of course] with T-mobile and Nextel names above us holding hands and a big sunshine and happy faces. Haha... I still have that sticky note to this day! We eventually started hanging out. We discovered we had so much in common. His favorite # was 12, mine is too. He was homecoming king, I was homecoming queen. He played all kinds of sports, I did too. The list went on and on. I found myself falling for him hard and fast.

Eventually you couldn't separate the two of us. We were the BEST friends. Every weekend he was @ Grand Valley with me having the best time in the world. There are SO many memories together I can't even begin to share them all. But I'll just share one in particular that I find absolutely hilarious. Well it was the night of Nych's 20th birthday. There was a halloween party at an apartment complex near the mall. We all met up dressed in our costumes. I was a border patrol girl and Nych was Steve Erkel. Classic I know :) LOL. He was very drunk I might add... At first I was taking care of him... then I soon found myself pretty darn tipsy myself. [When I say tipsy I mean... stumbling over my heels and mumbling my words LOL.] A bunch of us left the party and went to his friends Kevin's house. Well loooong story short, his friends found Nych and I in the bathroom. He was passed out in the bathtub with his hand extended holding my long brown hair from getting in the toilet. And I was passed out with my head over the toilet. LOL. Needless to say it was a ridiculously hilarious night and one night I will always remember. Nych even cried! Haha... shhh... don't tell ;)

Now look where we are! With our baby boy Gabriel. We are completely blessed to have him in our lives. I admit that Nych and I have always had our ups and downs, and things were extremely rough at times... BUT I can say one thing, and that's that I am completely and utterly 100% in love with this boy. When I am down or upset, he is the person who knows how to put a smile on my face. [Besides my baby boy Gabriel]. Whether we're on good terms or bad terms he always has love for me. He is my prince and I am is his princess. He is my boyfriend, my baby boy's father, my confidant and most of all my best friend. Love you Baby ♥

And once again Happy Valentine's Day to all my friends and family! Love you ♥

Lack of Ambition

Is it just me, or have I felt completely unmotivated to do anything productive lately? LOL. I guess having Gabriel in my life has just made me wanna stay home and cuddle up. I mean who wouldn't wanna just sit home and cuddle up with such a cute baby boy? It takes like twenty million soldiers with their shooting rifles to get me out of bed in the morning... LOL. Okay maybe a little exaggerated but you get the picture. Haha...

Well... anyways. Sorry it's so brief today. I'm going to bed early in hopes of waking up and actually having some sort of attention span tomorrow morning for class. Sweet dreams world :)

Getting Passed the Past

There's are so many moments in our lives that define us. High school graduation. College. Marriage. Having children. But what about relationships? I often find that my past relationships have molded the person I have become today. Whether that's a good thing or a bad thing, I haven't quite figured out yet.

You see... relationships have never been my forte. I fall hard and fast & wear my heart on my sleeve often too easily. I have been hurt and fallen hard. And it seems my heart never learns. It's like an addiction, that high. One could call it, "high on love." But because of my hurtful past I have so many issues with other aspects. Friendships. Relationships in general. Trusting someone is completely hard. Why? Shouldn't it be the opposite, where one is rewarded for loving so much? Today I was asked to get over the past and let it go. But I realize that getting passed the past is not as easy said than done. And I'm not quite sure what I can do personally to get over those things. Whatever the struggle, is continuing to love & take a chance to get hurt better than not loving or hurting at all? You answer the question. So in my deep thoughts on building trust I did a little research. Here's what I found:

10 Crucial Steps to Building a Relationship

1. Be predictable. When do seeds of suspicion emerge? When one begins to think, What's up? Why is he doing that? He's never done that before. That is so unlike him. Any movement away from predictable behavior can become suspect and trust can deteriorate. Focus on acting predictably if you need to build trust. Be consistent in what you do. This doesn't mean you must be boring. If there is a twinkle in your eye and a dose of spontaneity every so often, for goodness sakes be spontaneous and fun loving. But be true to who you have always been and be that consistently, whoever you tend to be!

2. Inform your significant other when you become "unpredictable." No one goes through life the same person. We all make shifts and changes. Frankly sometimes we may be fairly clueless about what is happening and where we are going. Those times may be very intense and we do some silly things or make some downright dumb decisions. Life can get very squirrelly and unpredictable. Growth in an individual, marriage or family often is accompanied by a little chaos. Welcome these shifts. Say, "I really don't know what is going on in me right now, but I'm moving in a different direction. Be a little patient with me while I figure this out. I might do some silly things, but my intent is not to harm you or scare you."

3. Make sure your words match the message. Mean what you say and say what you mean. When your partner hears one thing in your words but your tone of voice, body language and facial expressions are really saying something else, you open the relationship to some crazy making days. Which message is she to believe? This can waste a tremendous amount of energy and she learns not to trust part of what you are saying.

4. Believe the other person is competent. I hear this phrase very often: "But, I don't want to hurt him." A couple things are at play here. First, she may not have the skill of confronting the other with the truth in a way that brings reconciliation and understanding. She believes truth telling is destructive or entails some sort of drama. Neither is true. The truth is never destructive and can be conveyed in loving ways. Or, she may see the other person as a wimp; someone she believes cannot handle rigorous personal confrontation. She doesn't trust that the other person has the internal strength or stamina or skills to be in a relationship of mutual respect and equality. The other person picks up on this mistrust and does what he does to avoid the personal confrontation as well. Believe and know in your heart that the other person, somewhere and somehow, beneath the games, has the internal strength and capacity to handle anything. Such trust builds trust in the other person and begins to pervade the relationship.

5. Be very very careful of keeping secrets. If he knows there is an elephant in the room and doesn't talk about it, the elephant takes up tremendous space in the relationship. It takes energy for him to walk around it. She may not see the elephant but knows he is bending his neck to look around something. She will be curious, mildly disturbed, have feelings but no words to wrap around them, might wonder if something is wrong with her or struggle with trusting her intuition. And, when we can't trust the messages that come from within us, we find it very difficult to trust the messages of the other person. Secrets demand tremendous energy and erode trust. The relationship is doomed never to experience wall-banging intimacy. This is why extramarital affairs are so damaging. She is not so much concerned about him having sex with someone else as she is about the betrayal, lack of trust, the secrets and deception that are crazy making and energy draining. Hopefully, in the course of growing intimacy in your relationship you may want to share some of those events as you disclose to your partner where you were and where you are now. You do so without emotional charge. However, if a secret takes up room, i.e. still has an emotional charge and holds you back from disclosing more and more of yourself in the growing stages of intimacy, you have a problem that needs to be addressed with your partner.

If your interested in the other five crucial steps you can find them here.

On another note. Valentine's day is around the corner. My wish list: to be with the ones I love: ♥ my G - Baby Gabriel :)

Like Always: Drama & Females

Okay. So I can't help but vent... LOL. So there's this girl who writes on Nych's facebook page right? Saying that she is his other baby mama's best friend and that Nych is a worthless father to his sons. And she also calls out my other female Laura calling her a B**** when all Laura was doing was protecting my girl Kell. So yeah... anyhoo. Throughout her entire message her spelling is horrible. Her grammar is incorrect and then she has the nerve to say that we all need to go back to high school and take proper English? LOL. Wow... sorry that just made me laugh. I'm a senior at Grand Valley State University finishing up my bachelors in Spanish and the other girl she was attacking is finishing up her studies in an aspect in the medical field. Come on now.

Next. I'd like to state that Nych is not a worthless father. Thankyou. He has been here with Gabriel through the ups and downs. He may stumble at times, but who doesn't? I think that for a 21 year old male having two small children he is doing a rather good job. This girl should know that one kid is a handful because she has one herself. One of my close friends has the cutest baby girls and her baby daddy has seen her three times for a total of about 8 hours since she was born and she is almost 4 months old. There isn't a day that I'm grateful I don't have to go through with that. Yes I have gone through other things with him, but as for him being a father he is doing a great job. And finally... why are you all up in his business anyway? Your not his baby mama nor an ex girlfriend or anyone of these. So I'm pretty sure you shouldn't be all up in his business.

So, the moral of my story is... please PEOPLE think before you speak. I already stated what Nych said was wrong. But attacking him on his father skills when you don't even know... that's another story.

P.S. Worthless is one word. Not two. :)

The Dreaded Doctor Visit

So we all have that one place that we just dread to be. Whether it be the haunted Halloween house, the top of the Eiffel tower or even the dentist, we all have that one place where we dread to go. Today, I realized just why I absolutely dread going to the doctors. Only it wasn't because of me... it was because of my son.

Gabriel had his two month shots today. And it's one of the saddest things to sit there and watch your child cry their eyes out. He got three different shots and just cried and cried and cried. I have never heard him yell and scream this loud. I felt sooooo bad. Nych was there holding his hand, and I was in the background with the camera in my hand about to cry myself. LOL. But I have to remind myself that it's for his benefit :) and I know this... it's just so sad. They should really come up with a better way to do these things. Don't ya think? LOL.

Now Gabriel is running a fever of 102 :( The doctors told us this was common after receiving the shots. I just hate not seeing his smiley face and happy giggly self. He's acting like a completely different baby! I took him up on the counter && was making him a bottle and I was talking and smiling at him and he looked so helpless and sad like, "Momma, why did you let them do this to me?" After making myself look a fool though I finally got him to crack a little itty bitty smile :) Thank goodness. Hopefully my smiles made him feel a little bit better just like his do to me.

I realize how much I rely on that little smile of his nowadays! I guess I can't become that reliant huh? Well here's a video of him getting his shots. Hold on to your horses... you get to see my baby boy Gabriel really shedding those tears!

New Year New Love ♥

Yes... his name is Gabriel Chance Valentin :) LOL. The love of my life. I cannot believe how fast time has gone! He is already going to be three months on the 18th of this month. He is already trying to roll over and coo and laugh. I just love watching him grow. Here's one of his most recent photos:


He is my little monkey. :) Anyhooters... LOL. Lately things have been kinda bitter-sweet. I have been trying to focus on school, but with my little handsome man I've notice my attention span and drive lagging just a tad. I mean I can't help it... Who would wanna leave those little dimples to go listen to my foreign professor talk about the aging of old people? My point exactly. Haha. I am back to work now... which also sucks. I need the money & it's nice to get a break every once in a while from everything but by the time a couple hours pass I already find myself thinking bout my baby boy.

Last week I applied to the college of education. I procrastinate so much it's ridiculous. And I really don't know how things are going to turn out and if I will be accepted. My G.P.A. for my psychology minor is competely screwed over and I discovered I'm taking a class that I supposedly already took... weird. And I can't drop it because if I drop it I lose my scholarship because you have to have so many credits. Well... I guess my mind was elsewhere when I signed up for classes this semester. Maybe I dunno..... it was on the fact that I was about to have a baby! LOL.

Well I guess that's about all. I'm about to do some homework and then cuddle up with my boys. :) Tomorrow is a busy day. I have my four classes and Gabriel's doctors appointment. He's going to get his shots done :( poor thing... he doesn't know what he's in for. Well I'll talk to you all soooooooon! :) Thanks for stopping by!

1/03/2009

Once you have a child your whole life changes. No one can quite grasp the concept unless they themselves experience it firsthand. Your child becomes your everything... the reason you wake up in the morning, the reason you wake up period. They become your rock... the one person that will be there no matter what. Their smile brightens any heartache or bad day. They make all the troubles worth while... They are your EVERYTHING.

Ever since I have had Gabriel he has been my everything. I have spent every single day with him and only been apart with him for one night... Even though he cannot speak to me, now he is the only one I tell everything to. And even though he doesn't understand what I'm going through I feel like he's the only one that can console me... I love being his mother and I have no idea what I would do without him now. Which is where I've come to... I am having THE hardest time parting from Gabriel. My whole life I could not wait to have a baby and to raise them to be the best they could be... & now that time is here and with this comes the hardest things in my life... letting him go. When I imagined raising my child, I imagined a family, together... happy. I never imagined that I'd be a single mother having to let my son go... It's the hardest thing I have to do right now and it's so depressing. No one understands... I can't help but question why God even put me in this situation? He brought this beautiful little blessing in my life and expects me to just let him be taken from me? I wanna be there for every first little moment. His first Easter, first steps, first words... and what if he's with his father for those moments? What if I miss those? And I can just see any other female his father has in his life holding my son in their arms, cuddling them, loving them... My heart is literally being torn just thinking about it... Why does it have to be this way?


I don't know what to do anymore... I find myself trying to put things together and to work things out just so I won't be missing out on those moments. I can't be doing this anymore... I'm hurting... I'm afraid... I feel like my son is all I have left... & how could anyone wanna take him from me? This is honestly the HARDEST thing I have ever had to do in my life... I don't wanna be away from my newborn son. :( I don't want to have to go a night without him... Ugh. Why?